Haircuts, handshakes and heroics as PrettyGreen reach the final four


As the sun sets on another excellent PR Cup tournament the PrettyGreen team can hold their heads high.

In a World Cup year, you would usually associate the English national team with pre-tournament drama, low expectations and an injury crisis. However, 2023 was the year that the PrettyGreen 5-aside team had to contend with growing pressures. From a major ankle injury doubt reminiscent of Rooney and 2006, to a horrific electric shaver accident and last-minute kit supplier doubts, the team had every right to crumble under their own self-induced pressure. Literally, no one else put any pressure on them.

The day of the tournament. Arriving at WeWork, the only place with more behind-the-scenes troubles than Man United, the team settled in for some work followed by a hearty Veggie Pret. The kit arrived with Kit (K8) and excitement began to grow, not just because of the self-inflicted ‘haircut’ he had as of that morning. It was time to head to the pitches and find out the fixtures.

With 28 of the finest PR and Marketing agencies entered expectations were high, could PrettyGreen take winning pitches to winning on the pitch?

The Group of Death (maybe)

The group stages were no easy affair, facing Golin, Markettiers Team 2, H/Advisors Maitland and FGS Global, the PrettyGreen team had their work cut out.

A gruelling 0-0 match against Golin – reminiscent of the Chelsea v Tottenham Battle of the Bridge that took place on the other side of London years back, rounded out the group stage. A team effort saw them come out unbeaten from Group C in second place with two wins and two draws. 

It was time for a re-group and training sesh to prepare for the Quarters against the tournament favourite.

But first, some more insight into the fearless players that took battle in that fateful match.

The PrettyGreen line-up

Rob ‘Vinnie’ Jones – PG’s answer to the famous AFC Wimbledon defender, a cool presence throughout, not afraid of a challenge, as well as chipping in with a few vital goals.

Darren ‘The Cat’ Greene or The Banks of PG – In a tournament that averaged 10+ shots per game, Darren was ever present and received POTT for PG.

Lloyd Mullis – Having been in Bali on a training camp, he somehow managed to get through airport security with a filthy bag of tricks, reminiscent of the Ronaldo/Nani wing play of United ’08. A handful for defenders, and an invaluable team member.

Joe Stratton – The rock of the team, offering physicality mixed with coolness on the ball. Managed to provide contenders for both the goal of the tournament and penalty miss of the tournament. He was John Terry in Munich.

George ‘one ankle’ Lawrence – Going against medical advice, George played through the pain to provide a tactical master class in pressing and positioning. Unfortunate not to get a chance to show his penalty prowess, however, he’ll be back stronger (literally) next year.

Kit ‘K8’ Wilson – Having initially been the team’s second striker and missing out on his usual club number of 9, young Wilson took the tournament by storm. He surely must have been – the official, actual PR professional and not a ringer – top goal scorer. Next year he’ll be no.9 and able to fully embrace K9.

Notable mentions to Director of Football Jennifer Chapman, Kitman Dan and PG Ultra Gabs. Your undying support helped in those final moments of the quarters.

David beats Goliath

A Quarterfinal showdown against the early tournament favourites.

The scene was set, the heavens had opened, and the floodlights had come on. A standard Friday afternoon in East London.

With the crowd strongly stacked in favour of the favourites, the atmosphere was mildly thrilling.

The tie will be remembered as a tactical masterclass, designed to sustain waves of pressure, with an impenetrable defence, orchestrated by Pretty Green number 1, Darren Green. Kit, initially relegated to the second striker, fought for the ball and secured the match ball by bagging his hat trick, topping off the game with a superb free-flowing team move to finish the game 4-1.

David gets battered

“When The Cat was on the floor, I thought we aren’t coming back from this” – R. Jones.

Battersea Cats and Dogs was nearly called due to the amount of neglect Darren ‘the Cat’ received from the PrettyGreen defence.

After being sent to the shops by one of the largest people in London, Joe succumbed to a conveniently timed tournament-ending ‘injury’, George came on despite proclaiming he ‘had nothing left’, he too had succumbed to his injury. 

Final score: 4-0 to Portland Comms, the eventual tournament winners.

Final verdict: The PrettyGreen team will be back stronger next year, with a lunchtime league in mind, expect big things.


Big thank you to Ready10 for organising the tournament and for our favourite match of the tournament 🤝