Top Five Festival Fashion Faux Pas
PrettyGreen and festivals go hand in hand. We spend a lot of our summers working up and down the land making the festival experience that little bit more special. From Parklife to OnBlackheath via Boardmasters and Bestival we’ve spent many a day battling through the mud or basking in glorious sunshine in the name of PR and events. It’s during these times that we encounter some of the more questionable fashion choices. We’ve taken it upon ourselves to compile this completely unofficial list of the top five festival fashion faux pas.
- Bucket hats
Trumped only by the fedora in the headwear category of the Fashion Mistakes Awards. Bucket hats, like fedoras, seem to be purchased on the mistaken idea of ‘I think I can pull this off’. Bucket hats in 2016 share the same characteristics as the common cold with the frequency of catching both increasing when in contact with those carrying the hat/infection.
- Anything Lycra
There is a time and a place for figure hugging sportswear and a baking hot festival is not that place. Lycra is designed to draw sweat from the skin, so a one piece bodysuit is hardly the most sociable of clothing when you’re pressed up against thousands of other revellers. Also, morphsuits are so 2010.
- Denim shorts/ thongs
Denim shorts themselves are no criminal offence unless you roll back the years to 2003 and we’re examining ¾ length jorts. This versatile item of clothing from the jeans family is a summer staple but they have a relative with modesty issues in Aunt Daisy Duke. After years in the spotlight, the Daisy Dukes denim shorts have shrunk in size and leave little to the imagination in festival land.
- Topless lads
Is black a colour of the absence of light? Is a Jaffa cake a biscuit or a cake? Is a topless lad a fashion choice or the absence of fashion?
All of these are questions which have baffled scientists for centuries. Thankfully, fashionistas have reached a consensus that hordes of topless blokes romping around a field slopping lager down themselves and chanting about Will Grigg being on fire is not a trend which will be seen on the catwalks of Paris any time soon.
The legend of glitter at festivals is one of culture’s greatest tales. It is written that when John Festival first invented the concept of music in a field, his wife declared that all females must be marked with a reflective paste to identify them as having been allowed entry. It is from this primitive form of a receipt that the glitter we see today adorns the face of home counties daughters, middle aged dental assistants and #FashionBloggers at festivals up and down the land.