Biscuits, Bird Baths and Baked Goods: The brilliantly crap news you need to know

As much as we drivel on about the amount of crap TV, time wasted reading soft news stories, and wondering how Jeremy Kyle finds that many troubled guests, the Internet doesn’t half conjure up some wonderful nuggets of pointless information at time. Distractions, procrastination tools, or moments that make us wonder how we’ve wasted so much time on Reddit, we just can’t get enough of, frankly, crap stuff.

Inspired by a brilliantly rubbish piece Strings came across (how he found this, we’re not sure) about some incredible biscuits, here’s some of our favourites. For reference, as you’ll hear, the biscuits truly were brilliant.

On with the show!

5. Adapting to an ever-changing industry, we’ll kick things off on the social, courtesy of a local radio gem. In Southampton, it seems that birdbaths are all the talk. Shopping for one? Of course you are, who isn’t?! Here’s Wave 105 FM’s deal of the day, which we must say is truly outstanding. We’re amazed Amazon didn’t crash.


4. Talking of stock shortages, thank your stars you’re not from Haywards Heath, Sussex, and haven’t had to deal with the calamity that is… a shut Boots shop . Early shoppers were no doubt left distraught at the news, having been told via a sign on the front door that with no pharmacist available, there’s no pharmacy, and with no pharmacy, there’s no Boots.

The worst thing about it? There’s no re-opening date. The horror!

3. It seems our Welsh neighbours are in overdrive playing catch up to the rest of the world, especially with their office equipment. This exclusive comes courtesy of the South West Evening Post, whereupon the brave decision (after much deliberation, we’re sure) is being made for a Swansea town council to invest in a colour printer. Yes, the decision was actually still pending as this piece was published. Yes, we’re waiting on tenterhooks for the conclusion.


2. Competition time! Radio Yorkshire really got to grips with the most important matters of the day as they gave away some absolutely amazing prizes – pens, obviously. What would you do with yours? Talk about setting yourself up for failure.


1. And finally, Folkestone proves to the nation that the most hard-hitting events happen on their shores, with this wonder of a front page story. Slow news day, Folkestone Herald? Poor kid is probably scarred for life.